What We Get Wrong About Letting Go: How to Stop Overthinking & Change Your Thought Patterns
Letting Go Isn’t About Deleting Your Thoughts
For years, whenever a therapist suggested I should “just let it go,” I felt a little nauseous.
Whatever I was trying to release—a grudge, an anxious thought, an ex, a memory looping in my head—the advice always sounded infuriatingly vague. Let it go felt like one of those spiritual platitudes marketed as wisdom. Like… how, exactly? Am I supposed to stop caring? Stop thinking? Stop feeling?
Should I simply dissociate into a feedbag of kettle corn?
As a lifelong overthinker, I like practical steps. I want a map, not a mantra.
No one explained the mechanics of letting go, so the whole concept felt like yet another assignment that required me to override my humanity.
But here’s what I’ve learned—both through my own healing and in my work as a clinical life coach helping clients break free from shutdown cycles, overthinking, and internal noise:
Letting go is not an escape.
It is not suppression.
And it does not require emotional perfection.
Letting go is a skill—one that strengthens your mental resilience, emotional regulation, and your ability to meet your thoughts instead of getting consumed by them.
And ironically, true “letting go” is one of the most intimate acts we can practice with ourselves.
What Letting Go Actually Is
There’s a common myth that “letting go” means permanently removing a thought or feeling—wiping it from your mind and skipping merrily into the sunset.
No, m’dears.
That’s called suppression, avoidance, or dissociation.
Not emotional freedom.
True letting go is not a one-and-done moment. It’s an ongoing practice of changing how you relate to your thoughts—especially the sticky, repetitive ones.
Like most inner work, compassion is the oil that keeps the whole machine running.
The 3-Step Practice of Letting Go
Letting go is a form of mindfulness-based mental discipline that strengthens your ability to respond to your thoughts rather than react to them.
Here’s the simple framework:
1. Notice the Thought Loop
Recognize when you’re chewing on a thought you’ve already identified as unhelpful, old, or simply not aligned with who you’re becoming.
2. Disengage from the Spiral
Instead of following the thought into the rabbit hole, gently disconnect from it.
3. Redirect Your Awareness
Shift your attention somewhere else—your breath, your senses, a grounding activity, or a more aligned thought.
Then you repeat.
And repeat again.
It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy.
It is, however, completely doable—and it’s one of the most effective ways to stop overthinking and reclaim mental space from outdated narratives.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
In the early stages, letting go often looks like noticing yourself getting stuck in the same familiar whirlpool of thought…
and choosing not to beat yourself up for it.
Every single time you choose to take that exit ramp out of the loop, you’re creating a new neural pathway—a different direction for your mind to travel.
Think of it as an off-ramp from the highway of your habitual thought patterns.
Use it often enough, and it becomes the smoother, safer, more intuitive route.
What Letting Go Looks Like in Real Life
As the skill strengthens, letting go might sound like:
“Oh right, this thought isn’t useful.”
“My coach and I already debunked this one.”
“This is an old pattern. I can choose something different.”
Sometimes it looks like redirecting your attention to the present moment.
Sometimes it looks like texting a friend or checking on someone you love (a legitimate interruption for an anxious spiral).
Your brain will absolutely bring the thought back—because that's what brains do.
The goal isn’t to stop thinking.
You can’t stop waves in the ocean, but you can learn to surf.
The practice is not about elimination.
It’s about relationship.
Letting Go Builds Mental Resilience
When you commit to letting go, you’re training the mind like any other muscle.
You’re not aiming to eradicate a thought—that’s just perfectionism in costume.
You're learning to meet the thought with:
awareness
choice
spaciousness
free will
This creates a powerful internal shift:
You stop feeling like a hostage to your mind.
You start inhabiting the present more fully.
You make space for the emotions beneath the noise.
As the space between stimulus and response widens, your entire relationship with your mind begins to change.
This is the heart of transformational coaching, cognitive flexibility, and long-term emotional regulation.
A Simple Letting Go Practice You Can Try Today
The next time your mind spirals on a familiar loop:
Notice it.
Name it.
Let it pass—gently.
You don’t need to fight it.
You don’t need to fix it.
You just need to meet it differently.
That’s the work.
That’s the muscle.
That’s letting go.
Practice on, m’dears.
Hi, I’m Mollie Birney — a Clinical Coach, former therapist, and devoted explorer of what it means to get free from our internal noise.
I support clients in Portland, Oregon and beyond in developing:
emotional resilience
mental clarity
nervous-system-aware decision making
sustainable inner change
If you want support in shifting the patterns that keep you stuck:
Learn about Transformational Coaching
